Manchester United 2 – 0 Arsenal

A cursory glance at this and you wouldn’t think anything out of the ordinary. Manchester United beat Arsenal 2-0. You win some you lose some. However, this is more to do with off-field antics than on. We’re talking about the Battle of the Buffet, people. Or Pizzagate, if you prefer. Long story short: Sol Campbell tackled Wayne Rooney. Wayne Rooney dived. Ruud van Nistelrooy scored the resultant penalty. At full time, Campbell refused to shake hands and swap shirts. Tempers flared in the tunnel. Cesc Fàbregas threw a slice of pizza at Alex Ferguson’s head. Unconfirmed whether Dominos or Pizza Hut. Papa John and Franco Manca unavailable for comment.